Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. -T.S. Eliot
Bear with me, as I could nor resist one more post on the latest book I am reading by Patrick Lencioni- The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else In Business.
It sort of picks up where my last post left off about how dysfunction can not only crush a business but a family as well. Pat dives furthers into this with the following point:
Healthy families-the ones where parents give their children discipline, affection, and time-almost always improve over the years, even when they lack many of the advantages and resources that money can buy. Unhealthy families, the ones without discipline and unconditional love, will always struggle, even if they have all the money, tutors, coaches and technology they could ever want.
He continues:
The key ingredient for improvement and success is not access to knowledge or resources, as helpful as those things may be. It’s really about the health of the environment. And consider this: If you had to bet on the future of one of two kids, one raised by loving parents in a solid home and the other a product of apathy and dysfunction, you’d always take the former regardless of the resources surrounding them.
So in a perfect world we are wealthy–with with money, resources, support, and unconditional love. However, if we had to live without two of the four, dropping the former two (money and resources) may go the longest way toward producing happiness in our lives. Here in NYC, we see plenty of money and an overabundance of resources. The key is to always remember that those alone will not do the job.
I have always been a fan of Patrick Lencioni. He has written countless books that I, and many members of my team have read. As a matter of fact years ago I took my team out to San Francisco for an intimate one day workshop that he lead on building a cohesive leadership team. He has sold over 3mm copies of his books, so I am not the only one who thinks he has got something to say.
His newest book brilliantly titled…The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else In Business. focuses on the theme of organizational health. And as the title suggest, he goes as far to say organizational health trumps EVERYTHING else.
Recently he was interviewed in Inc. Magazine by Leigh Buchanan. My favorite part of the interview was the following:
Leigh: Ask an entrepreneur what she wants for her business, and she’ll talk about financial success, a fabulous culture, irresistible products. Ask a new parent what she wants for her child, and she’ll say, “I want her to be healthy.” Should founders think more like parents?
Pat: Let me make the analogy a little tighter. The real job of parents is to give their children an environment in which they can thrive. Ultimately, parents can neither predict nor control how their kids turn out, but they can give them a life free of unnecessary dysfunction and stress—and clarity about boundaries. Similarly, the head of an organization has to make it healthy. The key is to create an environment where people can thrive, without unnecessary dysfunction, confusion, and politics. This requires a cohesive team at the top, clarity, communication, and reinforcement through human systems. By doing this, founders can provide their people with the opportunity to succeed in ways that even they couldn’t have anticipated.
To dig in deeper, the key line in this excerpt was “Ultimately, parents can neither predict nor control how their kids turn out, but they can give them a life free of unnecessary dysfunction and stress—and clarity about boundaries.”
What unnecessary dysfunction and stress are we giving to our children, friends, family, and co-workers? I also love the fact that he used the word “boundaries.” More on this coming soon
Ok new to my “Must Watch” list of Ted Talks is Diana Nyad and her piece on “Extreme Swimming With The World’s Must Dangerous Jellyfish.” A great talk all the way through but it was the beginning and the end that had the largest effect on me. She opens by mentioning how she could not forgive herself for the countless hours she spent in negative thoughts and essentially not living in the present. (Note: To remedy this she decided to swim close to 100 miles from Cuba to Florida. Not exactly my prescription though perhaps somewhere in the ballpark). And just as powerful was her ending, in which she paraphrases the poet Mary Oliver: ”So what is it are you doing with this one wild and precious life of yours?” What a great thought!!!
Flew in late last night to Bentonville. Guess who I am seeing? I will say, one of my favorite clients. They are tough, but very fair. A great partnership in which both parties realize we need to have a “win-win” relationship.
There are so many great movies out there. I have recently started going back though and seeing some that I remembered that I enjoyed. One such movie was the 1989 Italian classic, Cinema Paradiso. For those who don’t know (or don’t remember) this is a coming of age movie about a filmmaker recollecting his childhood, his love with the movies in village’s tiny theater and the deep friendship he formed with the theater’s projectionist. There are a few quotes associated with the movies. One of the more minor ones though has always stuck with me. The scene is when Alfredo is telling Toto (Salvatore) to leave the town he grew up in and go to Rome.
Alfredo: Get out of here! Go back to Rome. You’re young and the world is yours. I’m old. I don’t want to hear you talk anymore. I want to hear others talking about you. Don’t come back. Don’t think about us. Don’t look back. Don’t write. Don’t give into nostalgia. Forget us all. If you do and you come back, don’t come see me. I won’t let you in my house. Understand?
Salvatore: Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me.
Alfredo: Whatever you end up doing, love it. The way you loved the projection booth when you were a little squirt.
The second I heard that last line- “Whatever you end up doing, love it” -I remembered the impact it made on me 20 plus years ago.I always say it seems like 85% of the people who work today DON’T enjoy what they do. AND it has nothing to do with how much or how little money they make. Very powerful line, from a very wonderful movie.
I just finished reading the classic book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy. If you never heard of it I am not surprised-it was written in 1962! However 226 positive reviews (some life changing) can’t be wrong.
Lots of interesting stories and scientific facts. Some parts a bit too religious for my taste, but I was able to sift through and get what I needed out of the book. There was one section in particular that struck me on the power of forgiveness. Now, we all know how important it is to forgive. Ideally in life nobody does anything wrong to you (and vice versa) but in all likelihood they (or you) will. As is the case with many things, it is not what happens but how you handle it, and forgiveness it is no different.
I will spare you the forgiveness prayer he offers (you can read the book-or contact me). However I do want to share the most important part and quite frankly one of the biggest takeaways for me on forgiveness. Dr Murphy states:
“There is an acid test for gold. There is also an acid test for forgiveness. If I should tell you something wonderful about about someone who has wronged you, cheated you, or defrauded you, and you sizzled at hearing the good news about this person, the roots of hatred would still be in your subconscious mind playing havoc with you.
You may have memory of the hurt but you do not have the sting or hurt anymore.
This is the acid test of true forgiveness and you must meet it psychologically and spiritually or you will just be deceiving yourself and not practicing the true art of forgiveness.”
So use this acid test. It is a great away of being honest with yourself about who you have truly forgiven (or may still need to forgive). And like many things in life sometimes these things take time. But at least the game of self deception will be behind you.
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
The above is one of my favorite quotes, from one of my favorite books, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.